The Gift of Not Knowing: Why Your Past Self Did the Best They Could

Last night, I found myself with a rare moment of quiet - no emails demanding attention, no one needing my care or guidance, no deadlines looming, no endless task list running through my mind. Whether you're a parent, caregiver, or busy professional (or all three), you know how precious these uninterrupted moments are. In that stillness, I began reflecting on different aspects of my life: my work, my relationships, my personal growth, and the constant juggling act of tending to others while managing professional responsibilities.

In the quiet of that moment, a familiar thought crept in, one that visits me more often than I'd like to admit: "If only I knew then what I know now." It's that persistent voice that whispers about all the ways I could have handled that stressful project better, responded to caregiving challenges with more patience, or navigated difficult career transitions with greater wisdom.

But then something shifted. I realized this thought pattern, which I'd always accepted as normal self-reflection, was actually harmful.

The Myth of Perfect Hindsight

Introspection is a gift if used wisely. When we examine our past experiences with curiosity and compassion, we can extract valuable lessons that guide future decisions. But there's a dark side to looking backward - the trap of believing we could have or should have known better. This form of reflection assumes that our past selves had access to the same knowledge, emotional maturity, and life experience we possess today. It's like expecting a first-grader to solve calculus problems simply because they'll understand calculus if they go to college one day.

Here's what that critical inner voice conveniently forgets: growth requires making mistakes. Learning demands trial and error. Resilience is built through weathering storms, not avoiding them. Even if we had read every professional development book before starting our first job, or absorbed every piece of caregiving advice before taking on that responsibility, we would still need hands-on experience to truly understand. Knowledge becomes wisdom only when it's tested in the real world, shaped by our unique circumstances, and refined through our personal journey.

When Too Much Knowledge Becomes Paralysis

Here's the paradox we rarely talk about: sometimes seeking too much knowledge actually makes things worse. I have fallen into this before, when at first my intention of trying to learn and be a better (insert all the hats I wear, such as caregiver, professional, the list goes on!) For me, it could be asking a question with a social media post, and 100 comments later, there’s conflicting advice that leaves me more confused than when I first started. My mind is swirling with more indecision than before. Talk about Information overwhelm!? 

The quest for certainty can rob us of the confidence to trust ourselves. Sometimes the best thing we can do is step away from the books, stop polling our friends, and listen to what our own experience is telling us.

The Courage to Try Despite Fear

Fear of failure keeps so many of us from trying new things, taking risks, or stepping into growth opportunities. We become paralyzed by the possibility of making mistakes, forgetting that mistakes are not evidence of inadequacy - they're proof that we're learning.

You are more capable than you think. That voice telling you you're not ready, not experienced enough, not wise enough? It's lying. You have an inner wisdom that deserves your trust, even when - especially when - you're navigating uncharted territory.

Reconnecting with Your Inner Wisdom

As busy professionals, parents, and caregivers, we often live so much in our heads - analyzing, planning, worrying- that we lose connection with our bodies and intuitive wisdom. When caught in cycles of overthinking, our nervous system stays activated, making it harder to access that quiet inner voice. This is where gentle movement practices like restorative or slow flow yoga become invaluable - not for perfect poses, but for creating space to breathe and reconnect with yourself. Consider taking a class this week and notice how moving mindfully mirrors the self-compassion we're cultivating in our thoughts.

You're Doing Better Than You Think

As you move through your days - working, caregiving, creating, building relationships, pursuing goals, navigating challenges - remember that you don't need to have it all figured out. Stay open to feedback from people you trust and respect, but don't feel obligated to seek everyone's opinion. Sometimes the best book to read is the one written by your own experience.

Listen to your intuition, even when it whispers instead of shouts. Trust that you can handle whatever comes your way, even if you don't have a manual for it.

You are so loved, and you are doing a better job than you're giving yourself credit for. The person you were yesterday brought you to who you are today. Honor that journey, embrace the learning, and trust yourself to keep growing.

After all, the gift of not knowing everything is that it leaves room for discovery, growth, and the beautiful messiness of being human.